////Jokes Mar 2017 ื‘ื“ื™ื—ื•ืช

Jokes Mar 2017 ื‘ื“ื™ื—ื•ืช

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ื‘ืขืงื‘ื•ืช ื”ืชืงืฃ ืœื‘, ืื•ืฉืคื– ื’ื‘ืจ ื‘ื‘ื™”ื— ื•ืขื‘ืจ ื ื™ืชื•ื— ืœื‘ ืคืชื•ื—.

ื›ืฉื”ืชืขื•ืจืจ ืžืฆื ืืช ืขืฆืžื• ืžื˜ื•ืคืœ ืข”ื™ ืฆื•ื•ืช ืื—ื™ื•ืช ื‘ื‘ื™ืช ื—ื•ืœื™ื ืงืชื•ืœื™.

ื›ืฉืฉื‘ื” ืืœื™ื• ื”ื›ืจืชื• ืฉืืœื” ืื•ืชื• ืื—ืช ื”ืื—ื™ื•ืช ื›ื™ืฆื“ ื”ื•ื ืžืชื›ื•ื•ืŸ ืœืฉืœื ืขื‘ื•ืจ ื”ื ื™ืชื•ื— ื•ื”ืืฉืคื•ื–, ื•ื‘ืื ื™ืฉ ืœื• ื‘ื™ื˜ื•ื— ืจืคื•ืื™.

ื‘ืงื•ืœ ื—ืœื•ืฉ ืขื ื” ืœื”: “ืื™ืŸ ืœื™ ืฉื•ื ื‘ื™ื˜ื•ื— ืจืคื•ืื™”

“ืื– ื™ืฉ ืœืš ื›ืกืฃ ื‘ื‘ื ืง?” ืฉืืœื” ื”ืื—ื•ืช.

ื•ื”ืื™ืฉ ืขื ื”: “ืื™ืŸ ืœื™ ืฉื•ื ื›ืกืฃ ื‘ื‘ื ืง”

ื”ืื—ื•ืช ืžืžืฉื™ื›ื”: “ื”ืื ื™ืฉ ืœืš ืื™ื–ื” ืงืจื•ื‘ ืžืฉืคื—ื” ืฉื™ื•ื›ืœ ืœืขื–ื•ืจ ืœืš?”

ย “ื™ืฉ ืœื™ ืจืง ืื—ื•ืช ืื—ืช ืจื•ื•ืงื”, ื–ืงื ื”ย  – ื ื–ื™ืจื” ื‘ืื™ื–ื” ืžื ื–ืจ” ืขื ื” ื”ืื™ืฉ

ื”ืื—ื•ืช ื ืขืœื‘ืช ื•ืื•ืžืจืช: “ื”ื ื–ื™ืจื•ืช ืื™ื ืŸ ืจื•ื•ืงื•ืช ื–ืงื ื•ืช, ื”ืŸ ื ืฉื•ืื•ืช ืœืืœื•ื”ื™ื”

ื•ื”ื’ื‘ืจ ืขื•ื ื” ืœื”: “ื˜ื•ื‘, ืื– ืชืฉืœื—ื• ืืช ื”ื—ืฉื‘ื•ืŸ ืœื’ื™ืกื™!”

Noย ย ย ย ย ย  Underwear

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A ย  ย man came to visit his grandparents, and he noticed his grandfather sitting on the porch in the rockingย ย ย ย ย ย  chair wearing only a shirt, with nothing on from the waist down. “Grandpa, what are you doing? Your weenie is out in the wind for Everyone to see!” he exclaimed. The old man looked off in the distance without answering.

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Grandpa, whatย ย ย ย ย ย  are you doing sitting out here with nothing on below the waist?’ he askedย ย 

again.

The old man slowly ย Looked at himย ย ย ย ย  ย and said, Well….last week I sat out here with no shirt on and I got a stiffย ย ย ย ย ย  neck. This is your grandma’s idea.

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ื‘ืžื—ืงืจ ืฉื ืขืฉื”, ืžื“ื•ืข ื’ื‘ืจื™ื ื™ื•ืฆืื™ื

ย ืžื”ืžื™ื˜ื” ื‘ืืžืฆืข ื”ืœื™ืœื”,

ย ื”ืชืงื‘ืœื• ื”ืชื•ืฆืื•ืช ื›ื“ืœืงืžืŸ:

5% ื”ืฉื™ื‘ื• ืฉื”ื ื”ื•ืœื›ื™ื ืœืฉืชื•ืช ื›ื•ืก ืžื™ื.

12% ื”ืฉื™ื‘ื• ืฉื”ื ื”ื•ืœื›ื™ื ืœืฉื™ืจื•ืชื™ื.

83% ื”ืฉื™ื‘ื• ืฉื”ื ื”ื•ืœื›ื™ื ื”ื‘ื™ืชื”.

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THE OLD RANCHER
The banker saw his old friend Don, an eighty-year old rancher, in town.
Don had lost his wife a year or so before and rumor had it that he was
marrying a ‘mail order’ bride.
Being a good friend, the banker asked Don if the rumor was true.
Don assured him that it was. The banker then asked Don the age of his
new bride to be.
Don proudly said, ‘She’ll be twenty-one in November.’
Now the banker, being the wise man that he was, could see that the sexual
appetite of a young woman could not be satisfied by an eighty-year-old man.
Wanting his old friend’s remaining years to be happy, the banker
tactfully suggested that Don should consider getting a hired hand to help
him out on the ranch, knowing nature would take its own course.
Don thought this was a good idea and said he would look for one that
afternoon.
About four months later, the banker ran into Don in town again.
‘How’s the new wife?’ asked the banker.
Don proudly said, ‘Good—she’s pregnant.’
The banker, happy that his sage advice had worked out, continued, ‘And
how’s the hired hand?’
Without hesitating, Don said, ‘She’s pregnant too.’
Don’t ever underestimate old Guys.

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ื™ืœื“ ื ื•ืกืข ื‘ืžื›ื•ื ื™ืช ืขื ืื‘ื ืฉืœื• ื•ืคืชืื•ื ื”ื ืจื•ืื™ื ื›ืžื” ื–ื•ื ื•ืช ื‘ืฆื“ ื”ื“ืจืš. ืฉื•ืืœ ื”ื™ืœื“:

“ืื‘ื, ืื‘ื, ืžื™ ื”ืŸ ื ืฉื™ื ืืœื” ?!?”.

ื”ืื‘ ื ื‘ื•ืš, ืขื•ื ื” ืœื•:

“ืกืชื, ื–ื” ื›ืœื•ื … ืชืกืชื›ืœ ื‘ืฆื“ ื”ืฉื ื™ ืฉืœ ื”ื›ื‘ื™ืฉ … ืชืจืื” ืื™ื–ื” ื—ื ื•ืช ืฆืขืฆื•ืขื™ื ื’ื“ื•ืœื” …”.

“ื›ืŸ, ืจืื™ืชื™ ืื•ืชื” ืื‘ื … ืื‘ืœ, ืžื™ ื”ื ืฉื™ื ื”ืœืœื• ?!?”, ืžืžืฉื™ืš ื”ื™ืœื“ ืœื ื“ื ื“.

“ืืžืžืžืžืž …”, ื—ื•ืฉื‘ ื”ืื‘ ื•ืขื•ื ื”, ” ื”ื ืจื•ื›ืœื•ืช ืฉืžื•ื›ืจื•ืช ืงืฆืช ืื•ืฉืจ ืœืื ืฉื™ื …”.

ื”ื ืžื’ื™ืขื™ื ื”ื‘ื™ืชื”, ืื‘ืœ ื”ื™ืœื“ ืœื ื™ื›ื•ืœ ืœื”ื•ืฆื™ื ืžื”ืจืืฉ ืืช ื”ื‘ื ื•ืช … ืื– ื”ื•ื ืฉื•ื‘ืจ ืืช ืงื•ืคืช ื”ื—ื™ืกื›ื•ืŸ ื”ืงื˜ื ื” ืฉืœื•, ืžื•ืฆื™ื 300 ืฉ”ื— ืžืžื ื” ื•ื”ื•ืœืš ืœื–ื•ื ื•ืช.

ื”ื•ื ืคื•ื ื” ืœืื—ืช ืžื”ืŸ ื•ืฉื•ืืœ:

“ื’ื‘ืจืชื™, ืืช ื™ื›ื•ืœื” ืœืžื›ื•ืจ ืœื™ ืงืฆืช ืื•ืฉืจ ื‘-300 ืฉ”ื— ?”.

ื”ืื™ืฉื”, ืžื•ืคืชืขืช ืžืื“ ืžื”ื‘ืงืฉื” … ืื‘ืœ ืžืฆื“ ืฉื ื™ ื‘ืชืงื•ืคืช “ื™ื•ื‘ืฉ” ืœื ืงืœื” … ืžื—ืœื™ื˜ื” ืœืงื—ืช ืืช ื”ื›ืกืฃ ื•ืœื•ืงื—ืช ืืช ื”ื™ืœื“ ืœื‘ื™ืชื”.

ืฉื ืชืžื•ืจืช ื”ื›ืกืฃ ื”ื™ื ืžื›ื™ื ื” ืœื• 3 ืคืจื•ืกื•ืช ืœื—ื ืขื ืฉื•ืงื•ืœื“ ืœืžืจื™ื—ื”, ื•ื ื•ืชื ืช ืœื• ืœืื›ื•ืœ.

ื‘ืขืจื‘, ื”ื™ืœื“ ื—ื•ื–ืจ ื”ื‘ื™ืชื” ื•ืžื•ืฆื ืืช ื”ืื‘ ืžื—ื›ื” ืœื•, ื“ื•ืื’ ืžืื“.

“ืื™ืคื” ื”ื™ื™ืช ?!? “, ื”ื•ื ืฉื•ืืœ ื‘ื›ืขืก.

“ื”ืœื›ืชื™ ืœืงื ื•ืช ืงืฆืช ืื•ืฉืจ ืžื”ืจื•ื›ืœื•ืช ืฉืจืื™ื ื• …”, ืขื•ื ื” ื”ื™ืœื“.

ื”ืื‘, ื—ื™ื•ื•ืจ ื›ืกื™ื“ ืฉื•ืืœ ืื•ืชื•:

“ื• …. ืื™ืš ื”ื™ื” ?!?”.

“ื•ื‘ื›ืŸ …”, ืขื•ื ื” ื”ื™ืœื“, “ืืช ืฉืชื™ ื”ืจืืฉื•ื ื•ืช ‘ืคืจืงืชื™’ ื‘ื“ืงื•ืช … ืืช ื”ืฉืœื™ืฉื™ืช ืจืง ืœื™ืงืงืชื™ … ื›ื™ ื›ื‘ืจ ืœื ื”ื™ื” ืœื™ ื›ื•ื— !”.

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An 8-year-old girl went to her grandfather, who was working in the yard and asked him, “Grandpa, what is couple sex?”

The grandfather was surprised that she would ask such a question, but decided that if she’s old enough to know to ask the question, then she’s old enough to get a straight answer. Steeling himself to leave nothing out, he proceeded to tell her all about human reproduction and the joys and responsibilities of intercourse.

When he finished explaining, the little girl was looking at him with her mouth hanging open, eyes wide in amazement.

Seeing the look on her face, the grandfather asked her, “Why did you ask this question, Honey?”
The little girl replied, “Grandma says that dinner will be ready in just a couple secs.

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ืฉื ื™ ื—ืจื“ื™ื ื ื•ืงืฉื™ื ื‘ื“ืœืช ืฉืœ ืื—ื“ย  ื”ืฉื›ื ื™ื ื•ืžื‘ืงืฉื™ื ืชืจื•ืžื” ืœืชืœืžื™ื“ื™ย  ื™ืฉื™ื‘ื•ืช. ืžืฉื™ื‘ ืœื”ื ื”ืฉื›ืŸ: “ืฉื™ืœื›ื• ืœืขื‘ื•ื“!”

ืœืžื—ืจืช ื ื•ืงืฉื™ื ืฉื•ื‘ ื‘ื“ืœืช, ืžื‘ืงืฉื™ืย  ืชืจื•ืžื” ืœืชืœืžื™ื“ื™ ื™ืฉื™ื‘ื•ืช, ื•ืฉื•ื‘ ืžืฉื™ื‘

โ€‹ โ€‹ืœื”ื ื”ืื™ืฉ: “ืฉื™ืœื›ื• ืœืขื‘ื•ื“”!

ื›ืš ื–ื” ื ืžืฉืš ื™ื•ื ืื—ืจ ื™ื•ื, ืขื“ ืฉืื—ืจื™ ืฉื‘ื•ืข ืžืฉื™ื‘ ื”ืฉื›ืŸ: “ืืชื ื™ื•ื“ืขื™ื ืžื”, ืื ื™ ืžื•ื›ืŸ ืœืชืจื•ื ืื ืชืกื‘ื™ืจื• ืœื™ ืœืžื”โ€‹ โ€‹ืืชื ื›ืœ ื›ืš ืžืชืขืงืฉื™ื”.

“ื–ื” ืคืฉื•ื˜”, ืžืฉื™ื‘ ืื—ื“ ื”ื—ืจื“ื™ื, “ืื ื™ ืžืงื‘ืœ ื—ืฆื™ ืžื›ืกืคื™ ื”ืชืจื•ืžื•ืช, ื•ื”ืฉื•ืชืฃย  ืฉืœื™ ืืช ื”ื—ืฆื™ ื”ืฉื ื™”.

ื ื“ื”ื ื”ืฉื›ืŸ: “ื•ืžื” ืขื ืชืœืžื™ื“ื™ ื”ื™ืฉื™ื‘ื•ืช?”

ย ืžืฉื™ื‘ ื”ื—ืจื“ื™: “ืฉื™ืœื›ื• ืœืขื‘ื•ื“”..

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Curtis & Leroy saw an ad in the Starkville Daily in Starkville, MS. and bought a mule for $100.
The farmer agreed to deliver

the mule the next day.
The next morning the farmer drove up and said,ย  “Sorry fellas, I have some bad news, the mule died last night.”
Curtis & Leroy replied,ย “Well, then just give us our money back.”
The farmer said, “Can’t do that. I went and spent it already.”
They said, “OK then, just bring us the dead mule.”
The farmer asked, “What in the world ya’ll gonna do with a dead mule?”
Curtis said, “We gonna raffle him off.”
The farmer said, “You can’t raffle off a dead mule!”
Leroy said, “We shore can! Heck, we don’t hafta tell nobody he’s dead!”
A couple of weeks later, the farmer ran into Curtis & Leroy at the Piggly Wiggly grocery store and asked.
“What’d you fellers ever do with that dead mule?”
They said, “We raffled him off like we said we wuz gonna do.”
Leroy said, “Shucks, we sold 500 tickets fer two dollars apiece and made a profit of $998.”

The farmer said, “My Lord, didn’t anyone complain?”

Curtis said, “Well, the feller who won got upset. So we gave him his two dollars back.”
Curtis and Leroy now work for the government.

They’re overseeing the Bailout & Stimulus Programs.

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ื–ื•ื’ ืื—ื“ ื›ืžืขื˜ ืกื™ื™ื ืืช ื”ืœื™ืš ื”ื’ื™ืจื•ืฉื™ืŸ .

ืœืื—ืจ ื›ืœ ื”ืชื”ืœื™ืš, ื”ื ืžื’ื™ืขื™ื ืœื‘ื™ืช ื”ืžืฉืคื˜ ืœื“ื™ื•ืŸ ืขืœ ื—ื–ืงืช ื”ื™ืœื“ื™ื .

ื”ืฉื•ืคื˜ ืคื•ื ื” ืจืืฉื•ื ื” ืœืืžื ื•ืฉื•ืืœ ืื•ืชื” ืœืžื” ืœื“ืขืชื” ืžื’ื™ืขื” ืœื” ื—ื–ืงื” ืขืœ ื”ื™ืœื“ื™ื .

ื”ืืžื ืขื•ื ื” ืœืฉื•ืคื˜: “ื›ื‘ื•ื“ ื”ืฉื•ืคื˜, ื™ืฉ ืœื ื• 3 ื™ืœื“ื™ื. ืื ื™ ืขื‘ืจืชื™ 27 ื—ื•ื“ืฉื™ื ืฉืœ ื”ืจื™ื•ืŸ -ืกื‘ืœ ื ื•ืจืื™

.

ื”ืงืื•ืช ื•ื–ืจื™ืงื•ืช ื•ื‘ื“ื™ืงื•ืช ืžืชืžืฉื›ื•ืช, ืฆื™ืจื™ื ื‘ืœืชื™ ื ืกื‘ืœื™ื ื•ืœื™ืœื•ืช ืฉืœืžื™ื ืœืœื ืฉื™ื ื” .

ื™ืœื“ ืื—ื“ ื™ืœื“ืชื™ ื‘ื ื™ืชื•ื— ืงื™ืกืจื™, ืืช ืฉื ื™ ื”ืื—ืจื™ื ื‘ืฆื™ืจื™ื ืžืชืžืฉื›ื™ื ืฉืœ ืฉืขื•ืช .

ืื ื™ ื”ื™ื ืงืชื™ ืื•ืชื ื•ื“ืื’ืชื™ ืœื”ื, ื˜ื™ืคื—ืชื™ ืื•ืชื ื•ื”ื‘ืืชื™ ืื•ืชื ืขื“ ื”ืœื•ื “.

ื”ืฉื•ืคื˜ ืžืชืจืฉื ืžืื•ื“, ืื•ืžืจ ื™ืคื” ืชื•ื“ื”, ืคื•ื ื” ืœืื‘ื ื•ืฉื•ืืœ ื’ื ืื•ืชื• –

ืœืžื” ืœื“ืขืชื• ื”ื•ื ืฆืจื™ืš ืœื”ื™ื•ืช ื–ื” ืฉื™ืงื‘ืœ ื—ื–ืงื” ืขืœ ื”ื™ืœื“ื™ื .

ื”ืื‘ื ื—ื•ืฉื‘ ื•ืขื•ื ื”:

” ื›ื‘ื•ื“ ื”ืฉื•ืคื˜. ื›ืฉืืชื” ื”ื•ืœืš ืœืžื›ื•ื ืช ืคื—ื™ื•ืช ืžืฉืงื” ื•ืžื›ื ื™ืก ื—ืžื™ืฉื” ืฉืงืœื™ื

ย ย ย  ื•ื™ื•ืฆืืช ืคื—ื™ืช ืงื•ืœื” – ืฉืœ ืžื™ ื”ืคื—ื™ืช — ืฉืœืš ืื• ืฉืœ ื”ืžื›ื•ื ื” ??”

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A man buys a Robot and brings it home to his wife and son.

Son:ย “What is it?”

Dad:ย “It’s a lie detector robot”.

Son:ย “No way!”.

Dad:ย “It really is. Here goes, why weren’t you at school today?”

Son:ย “I WAS at School!”

The Robot slaps the son.

Son:ย “OK! OK! I snuck out with a friend to watch a movie!”

Dad:ย “Oh… Which movie was it?”

Son:“…The new one…”Fast and Furious 12″…”

The Robot slaps the son.

Son:ย “OK! OK! It was a porn movie!”

Dad:”WHEN I WAS YOUR AGE I DIDN’T EVEN KNOW WHAT PORN WAS!!!”

The Robot slaps the Father.

The mother laughs out loud:ย “Well, he IS your son…”

The Robot slaps the mother.

ื‘ืœื•ื ื“ื™ื ื™ืช ืื—ืช ื ื•ืกืขืช ื‘ื›ื‘ื™ืฉ, ืขื•ืงืคืช ืื•ื˜ื• ืขืœ ืงื• ืœื‘ืŸ ื•ื›ืžืขื˜ ื’ื•ืจืžืช ืœืชืื•ื ื”. ื”ื ื”ื’ ืžืกืžืŸ ืœื” ืœืขืฆื•ืจ ื‘ืฆื“, ื•ื›ื›ื” ื”ื™ื ืขื•ืฉื”.

ื”ืื™ืฉ ื”ืขืฆื‘ื ื™ ื™ื•ืฆื ืžื”ืื•ื˜ื•, ืžืกืžืŸ ืขื™ื’ื•ืœ ืขืœ ื”ื›ื‘ื™ืฉ ื•ืื•ืžืจ ืœื‘ืœื•ื ื“ื™ื ื™ืช ืœืขืžื•ื“ ื‘ืชื•ื›ื• ื•ืœื ืœื–ื•ื–. ืื—ืจ ื›ืš ื”ื•ื ืœื•ืงื— ืžืงืœ ื•ืžืชื—ื™ืœ ืœื—ื‘ื•ื˜ ื‘ืžื›ื•ื ื™ืช ืฉืœ ื”ื‘ืœื•ื ื“ื™ื ื™ืช, ืขื“ ืฉื”ื•ื ืฉื•ืžืข ืื•ืชื” ืžืื—ื•ืจื™ื• ืฆื•ื—ืงืช ื‘ื˜ื™ืจื•ืฃ.

“ืœืžื” ืืช ืฆื•ื—ืงืช?”, ื”ื•ื ืฉื•ืืœ. “ืื ื™ ื”ื•ืจืก ืœืš ืืช ื”ืื•ื˜ื• ื•ืืช ืฆื•ื—ืงืช?”.

“ืืชื” ื›ื–ื” ื“ื‘ื™ืœ”, ืื•ืžืจืช ื”ื‘ืœื•ื ื“ื™ื ื™ืช. “ื›ืœ ืคืขื ืฉื”ืกืชื•ื‘ื‘ืช ืœืชืช ืžื›ื” ื‘ืื•ื˜ื•, ืื ื™ ื™ืฆืืชื™ ืžื”ืขื™ื’ื•ืœ!”.

ย 

ย 

Peter, a well known anti-Semite, walks into a bar and is about to order a drink when he sees a guy close by with a kippa, tzitzis and payos. He doesn’t have to be an Einstein to know that this guy is Jewish.

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So Peter shouts over to the bartender so everyone can hear, “Drinks for everyone in here, bartender, but not for that guy over there,” pointing to the Jewish guy.ย ย ย ย 

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Soon after the drinks have been handed out, Peter notices that the Jewish guy is smiling, calls to Peter and says “Thank you.”

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This infuriates him and in a loud voice, he once again orders drinks for everyone except the Jewish guy. But as before, this does not seem to worry the Jewish guy who continues to smile …ย and again says, “Thank you.”

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So Peter says to the barman, “What’s the matter with that guy over there? I’ve ordered two rounds of drinks for everyone in the bar except that guy, and all he does is smile and thank me. Is something wrong with him or something?”

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“Not at all,” replies the barman. “He’s the owner.”

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ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย  ืžืจื•ืงืื™ืช ืžืกืคืจืช ืœื—ื‘ืจื” ืฉืœื” ืฉื”ื™ื ืงื ืชื” ื”ื™ื•ื “ื‘ื’ื“ื™ ืžืขืฆื‘ื™ื”…

ืฉื•ืืœืช ืื•ืชื” ื”ื—ื‘ืจื”: “ืžื” ื–ื” ื‘ื’ื“ื™ ืžืขืฆื‘ื™ื”?

ืขื•ื ื” ืœื”: “ื–ื” ืฉืืช ืงื•ื ื” ื‘ื’ื“ื™ื

ย  ื™ืงืจื™ื ื•ื‘ืขืœืš ืžืงื‘ืœ ืขืฆื‘ื™ื..”

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ืžืฉืคื—ื” ื›ื•ืจื“ื™ืช ื’ืจื” ื‘ืงื•ืžื” 12,

ื”ื™ืœื“ ืฆื•ืขืง ืœืื™ืžื ืžืœืžื˜ื”, ืฉื›ื—ืชื™ ืืช ื”ืคืœืืคื•ืŸ ืชื•ืจื™ื“ื™ ืœื™ ืื•ืชื•,

ื‘ืขืœื” ืฉื•ืืœ ืื•ืชื” ืžื” ืืช ืขื•ืฉื” ? ืื•ืžืจืช ืœื• ืžื•ืจื™ื“ื” ืœื™ืœื“ ืืช ื”ืคืœืืคื•ืŸ ืœืžื˜ื”,

ืื•ืžืจ ืœื”, ืœื ืกืชื ืื•ืžืจื™ื ืขืœื™ื ื• ืฉื”ื›ื•ืจื“ื™ื ืžืคื’ืจื™ื,

ืœื•ืงื— ืืช ื”ืคืœืืคื•ืŸ ื•ื–ื•ืจืง ืœื™ืœื“ ืžื”ื—ืœื•ืŸ ืฉืœ ืงื•ืžื” 12,

“ืžื” ืืชื” ืขื•ืฉื”” ??? ื–ื•ืขืงืช ื”ืื™ืฉื”,

“ืชื™ืจื’ืขื™ ื›ื•ืจื“ื™ื”, ืฉืžืชื™ ืื•ืชื• ื‘ืžืฆื‘ ื˜ื™ืกื”…..

ย 

ย 

After a long day on the golf course, I stopped in at Hooter’s to see some friends and have some hot Wings and iced tea.

After being there for awhile, one of my friends asked me which

waitress I would like to be stuck in an elevator with.

I told him “The one who knows how to fix elevators. I’m old, I’m tired, and I pee a lot.”

ย 

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ื›ื•ืจื“ื™ ื ื›ื ืก ืœื—ื ื•ืช ื•ืจื•ืื” ืžืฉืงืคื™ื™ื ื™ืคื™ื.

ื›ืžื” ืขื•ืœื™ื? ื”ื•ื ืฉื•ืืœ ืืช ื”ืžื•ื›ืจ

1200 ืฉ”ื— ืขื•ื ื” ื”ืžื•ื›ืจ.

1200? ืœืžื” ื›ืœ-ื›ืš ื™ืงืจ?

ืืœื• ืžืฉืงืคื™ื™ื ืžื™ื•ื—ื“ื™ื. ื›ืฉืืชื” ืžืกืชื›ืœ ื“ืจื›ื ืืชื” ืจื•ืื” ืืช ื”ืื ืฉื™ื ืœืœื ืœื‘ื•ืฉ.

ื”ืชืœื”ื‘ ื”ื›ื•ืจื“ื™, ืงื ื” ืืช ื”ืžืฉืงืคื™ื™ื ื•ืจืฅ ื”ื‘ื™ืชื” ืœื”ืจืื•ืช ืœืื™ืฉืชื•.

ื”ื•ื ื ื›ื ืก ื”ื‘ื™ืชื” ืขื ื”ืžืฉืงืคื™ื™ื ื•ืจืื” ืืช ืื™ืฉืชื• ืœืœื ื‘ื’ื“ื™ื. ืœื™ื“ื” ืขืžื“ ื”ืฉื›ืŸ, ื’ื ื”ื•ื ืœืœื ื‘ื’ื“ื™ื

.

ื”ืกื™ืจ ื”ื›ื•ืจื“ื™ ืืช ื”ืžืฉืงืคื™ื™ื ื•ืขื“ื™ื™ืŸ ืจืื” ืื•ืชื ืœืœื ื‘ื’ื“ื™ื. ื”ื—ื–ื™ืจ ืื•ืชื ืืœ ืขื™ื ื™ื• ื•ืขื“ื™ื™ืŸ ืœืœื ืฉื™ื ื•ื™.

ืื™ื–ื” ื‘ืืกื”, ื—ืฉื‘ ืœืขืฆืžื•, ืจืง ืขื›ืฉื™ื• ืงื ื™ืชื™ ืื•ืชื ื•ื›ื‘ืจ ื”ืชืงืœืงืœื•.

ย 

ื›ื•ืจื“ื™ ื™ื•ืฆื ืžื”ืื•ื˜ื• ื•ืงื•ืœื˜ ืฉืฉื›ื— ืืช ื”ืžืคืชื—ื•ืช ื‘ืชื•ืš ื”ืื•ื˜ื•.

ืžื•ืฆื ื—ื•ื˜ ื‘ืจื–ืœ ื•ืžื ืกื” ืœืคืชื•ื— ืืช ื”ืžื›ื•ื ื™ืช ืžื”ื—ืœื•ืŸ.

ืขื•ื‘ืจ ืื•ืจื— ืฉื•ืืœ ืื•ืชื• ืœืžืขืฉื™ื•.

ื”ื›ื•ืจื“ื™ ืžืกื‘ื™ืจ ” ื ืขืœืชื™ ืืช ื”ืžืคืชื—ื•ืช ื‘ืชื•ืš ื”ืžื›ื•ื ื™ืช

ื”ืื™ืฉ ืžืชืคืœื ” ืื‘ืœ ืืฉืชืš ื‘ืชื•ืš ื”ืื•ื˜ื•”

ื”ื›ื•ืจื“ื™ ืžืกื‘ื™ืจ ืœื• “ื ื›ื•ืŸ. ื”ื™ื ืžื›ื•ื•ื ืช ืื•ืชื™”

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An American gentleman born inย Virginia married a Scandinavian lady and they lived happilyย ever after in his home town.ย 



The poor lady was not very proficient

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in English, but did manage

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to communicate with her husband.

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The real problem arose whenever she had to shop for groceries.

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One day, she went to the butcher counter and wanted t buy chicken legs. She didn’t know how to put forward her request so, in desperation, she clucked like a chicken and lifted up her skirt to show her thighs. Her butcher got the message and gave her the chicken legs.

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Next day she needed to get chicken breasts, again she didn’t know how to say it, so she clucked like a chicken and unbuttoned Her blouse to show the butcher her breasts.

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The butcher understood again and gave her some chicken breasts.

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On the 3rd day, the poor lady needed to buy sausages.

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Unable to find a way to communicate this, she brought her husband to the store…

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(Please scroll down.)

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What were you Thinking?

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Her husband speaks English….hellooo!

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I do worry about you sometimes!

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By |2018-03-01T16:11:33+00:00March 9th, 2017|Uncategorized|Comments Off on Jokes Mar 2017 ื‘ื“ื™ื—ื•ืช

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